Choice

Would you like your life to be a little easier? Here is your answer: know what you can and cannot control. Oh, sure that sounds basic but think about it. How many times have you known that you could not control something but were still trying to control it?

I see this daily with my client, friends, and in myself. Many of my oppositional, anxious, and depressed client seek to control things in their lives that are not under their control. They try to control how their friends treat them, their parent's relationship, or the kid that just bothers them. However, they refuse to control the one thing that they have most control over: their own choices.


I think that all we can control is our own actions, thoughts, and feelings. One of the most powerful principles in this life is that we have choice. We have the choice to choose how we will handle a situation, how we treat others, how we think and act, and what we will become. When it comes down to it, I can control my choices and I can not control the choices of others. I can control how I perceive others but I can not control how others perceive me.

For instance, many years ago a friend of mine constantly complained about his life. There were too many demands, he could not do it all, and he felt that he had no choice. I had empathized with this friend often. However, one day I looked at him and said, "I know that this is all hard on you but you have a choice. Either you get rid of some of these responsibilities or you can continue. Either way you have made the choice and must deal with the choice and consequence." He did not like this advice. He seemed annoyed by me. However, over the months to follow he would bring up this advice. One day he told me, "Mandy, I know that I should be taking care of myself and not adding new stresses to my life. I do have a choice." See that!?! It was a switch in his thinking. Instead of thinking that all of these things were being done to him he now saw it as under his own control and choice. He could then work on it if he wanted. That is empowerment!!!

If something is bothering me then I can choose to remove it from my life, try to remedy the problem, or deal with it. In the end, this is my choice. Therefore, I can not constantly complain about these things because I chose them. Just because you neglect something or ignore it does not mean that you are not responsible for that choice. Neglect is just as much of a choice.

Knowing what I can control and cannot has helped me to have less worries and anxieties over details that do not matter and events that are out of my control. This is liberating and allows me to live my life with less fear.

Public Service Announcement # 90 :for more information please see this following link http://www.wikihow.com/Become-Less-of-a-Control-Freak